im feeling so sad rn and i just want to let everything out. honestly i feel like breaking down now. i guess i have been living in denial that im actually all alone because most of those friends that i consider my closest friends have friends that are closer to them than me. i want a friend who is mutual - someone who treats you like a bestfriend when you treat them like one but i guess its really hard for me since everyone have their own groups and cliques from secondary while im all alone. am i anyone's number 1 priority? i dont think so. maybe all along, i've been the one sided party who has been giving my all and unknowingly expect some form of same kind of importance level i guess. im grateful for all the friends i have and those who put in the effort to include me in meetups/gatherings but i just want to be the first person someone think of when they are feeling down or angry or anything. is that too much to ask for? i hope not. life wont give me what i want until it feels that i have worked hard enough for it. one day i just hope i deserve to be someone/anyone's first friend they will talk to when they have any problems. well, this didnt make me feel less sad or heartbroken. i hope this goes away soon. bye.
x
well after one night of deep thoughts/reflection, ive came to realised that i havent been a good friend so i guess im just going to try my best to make up for all those things that i havent done. i just hope this friendship i hold so close will last forever & ever. time will tell and honestly im afraid but also curious of what the future holds. ok back to ecd lecture. bye.
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