Too much in my head

Well, i wanted to update about my life today but now i just want to talk about things that have been on my mind.

Honestly, i want/wanted to be popular and i've always wondered how it felt like. I want to be someone likeable and draws people to them. But i dont, sadly. Maybe thats my fate or things might change to how i want it to be in the future. I want to be someone who is sponsered almost everything cos they are popular like xiaxue or qiuqiu or willabelle. But i know thats not gonna happen & i can continue dreaming hahahaha oh well

Onto another topic, I cant help it but feel like that sometimes i dont even matter to someone who matters to me. Its like to me, that person is a very good friend but i get treated like a normal friend who doesnt mean much :( that feeling sucks sighhh I hate feeling like a small thing in people's life, i want to be significant & matter. I want to be someone they will think of when they need someone to talk to. I want to be someone who doesnt need people to take forever to realise that im missing. But how? :(

Sometimes, just sometimes, i get overprotective of my friends cos im afraid to lose them. And i hope they will do the same when they feel like we are drifting apart. It takes two hands to clap, so it doesnt really work when only one party is trying to keep this friendship going.

I have lose friends before so i know how it feels like. Since then, i want to keep all the friendships i have with everyone going. I dont want to lose another friend. And i hope i can actually talk to those friends i have lost again no matter how long we havent talked.

But with that said, im so blessed to be able to stay in contact with those friends that have came and havent left (and i hope they dont). Though some of these bonds aint really that strong anymore, im still happy that the bonds are there. And i know i'll always be a part of all the cliques we've formed like Thousand Island, Awesomies, Supz (if im not wrong, it was named marshmallow family LOL) and xiaofamily :)

Besides everything, im superduperuber blessed to have brendan who has been there for me for everything. At least i know that there is someone who is afraid to lose me and will right there for me even when the sky falls hahahahah omg so drama but ya, im super glad to find & have a boyf like him hehe

goodnight!