Emotional Bullshit

took my english oral yesterday. it was okay after thinking about what i did. but could have been better. got back my chinese o level results today. it was actually better than i expected but i wanted more. humans can never be satisfied with what they already have right? that applies to me now. I want a A but thinking about it, its near impossible since i've never gotten a A for chinese in my 16 years on this earth. but i suppose no harm retaking right? there's so much things to actually consider if i want to retake my chinese o's. retake = more time spent studying chinese = lesser time for other subjects. but if i do retake, I might actually try harder to score better. or the results might be the same or even drop. still in the process of thinking. so much work to be done. 2 more months to o's. only two. i need to start focusing. need to stop heading out to shop and play so often. hard but i have to try. can someone give me a wake up call and make me start studying now. feel so frustrated with myself everytime i think about the amount of time i could actually spend studying but instead i stone and stone and stone and nothing gets done. but time cant rewind right. boohoo. can someone invent a time machine or something so i can go back to the past. but i dont think i'll change everything if i get the chance. cos everything happens for a reason. havent been sleeping much and sleeping well lately as well. so many things happening in my life right now. and i feel bad for doing the things i shouldnt. im either too sensitive or too insensitive. can my sensitivity level be normal and not the two extreme ends. lol. sometimes i think that im trying too hard to actually save the situation and annoy people even further than they already are, sigh. hope things will actually change for the better anytime soon. nature shall take its course. may the odds be ever in my favor. emotional period i guess. im experiencing moodswings, i feel it. this is nonsense. i can be very happy for a moment and feel sad with no reason the next. but i learnt to somehow keep things to myself. being alone sometimes isnt that bad either i guess. no, actually its bad. i can think about anythings and everything. i did realise i usually look at the negative sides of things instead of the positive side. i hate feeling alone. it sucks, to the core. emotionally and mentally drained, sighhh. byebye.